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A Picture is Worth 1,222 Words (Uncut)

by Bill Zam | Posted on: June 5, 2012 3:41 pm - in Zamblings Uncut

Photographic memory.

Last month I wrote about the Facebook Timeline, and I started thinking about how we preserve our own history. My wife and I come from two different schools of thought on this subject. My point of view is that technology is the best way to maximize the enjoyment and preservation of our cherished photographs, letters and other captured memories, whereas her point of view is stupid.

Oops! No! What I mean is, my wife believes that technological solutions are complicated, inaccessible and most of all, at risk for complete loss of the tangible, emotionally connected paper.

“Preserve your memories … they’re all that’s left you.”
That was my high school yearbook quote, so you can tell I’ve been pondering this subject for a long time. Well, not that long. It’s from a 1968 Simon & Garfunkel song, but I graduated in 1989.

“Redact your memories; your friends might sue you.”

I’m not sure what Paul Simon’s intent was, but the lyrics had two meanings to me: your memories are everything in life that has left you; but they are also all you have left of the past. I was already nostalgic when I chose the quote, longing for the “good old days” of elementary school, but it means more with each year older and layer thicker than that yearbook picture. My wife and I both agree with Mr. Simon, but we disagree with each other on the preservation strategy.

Most Likely To Regret This Knit Tie

“Every year’s a souvenir that slowly fades away.”
We both have a smattering of childhood photos. They’re almost all in color,[1] but even though they’re from the 1970s (like the Billy Joel quote above), some are so yellowed that you’d expect to see WANTED written below them. I use this to argue to my wife about the fragility of paper. If these pictures can fade so much in a few decades, they might rot completely before we do. But she likes to flip through the old albums, hearing the crack of the binding, pulling open the clear, once-adhesive pages to adjust photos when necessary, and reading the hand-cut speech balloons her mother sometimes glued on. If you stare long enough, she says, you can almost hear the voices. I’ll admit the structure of a classic photograph is part of the experience. There’s a picture of me with Spider-Man that is just as memorable for the sturdy Polaroid border and autographed folio as much as me looking as lithe as Peter Parker.

But the Polaroid is pulling apart from the casing, and if I hadn’t scanned it, it would be lost forever. Plus, since every click of the shutter cost money in those days, the volume of pictures of us is a drop in the developing-chemical ocean compared to the digital digest we have collected on our own children. I’m convinced the children of today will be perceived as more attractive than previous generations based on their option to delete and retake any shot they would rather send to the cutting room floor. Does anybody under 20 even know what “cutting room floor” means?

“All I’ve got is a photograph … but it’s not enough.”
Yeah, I slipped Def Leppard into a sentimental article. What can I say? I’m an 80s child and I have a soft spot for Union Jack wifebeaters.

No, not Rick Allen! Sleeveless British flag t-shirts!

The photos themselves are nice, but I want more quantity, more flexibility and less storage space. I have more than 30,000 photos, letters, ticket stubs, school papers and kids’ art added to iPhoto, and they all fit on this laptop. I haven’t thrown my back out carrying the laptop (yet).

I can organize the pictures a million different ways, manipulate them in Photoshop, watch them in instant slideshows, and even use iPhoto’s facial recognition feature. The technology is mind-blowing, even if it does occasionally mistake me for President Obama or a birthday party balloon.

“Time … the past has come and gone … now only lasts for one second”
That’s true, Hootie & The Blowfish – unless you pause the DVD. Ask my wife to name her favorite gifts of all time and she will list her mix CDs with the home-burned picture labels, the photo tower with the mile-long Photoshop collage, or the movies I’ve set to music through the wonder of digital video editing software. What more could she want?

OK, I’ll come clean. She could want me to delete the pictures I carelessly took of the sidewalk but still uploaded to the computer.

Nice work, Annie freaking Liebowitz.

She could want me to crop and edit our best pictures, print them out and put them on the refrigerator for her enjoyment.  She could want a volunteer staff of 50 to spend the next decade labeling, key-wording and grouping the electronic photos so that she could actually find what she wants on a particular day. She could want an infallible backup system, or at least an external hard drive that doesn’t fail every two years and cost us hundreds of dollars to replace, so we don’t have to say goodbye to every single photo forever.

“I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for … it’s hard to say it (time to say it) … goodbye … goodbye.”
So what’s better? Having 300 flammable pictures of your entire life, each with its own personal story, or 30,000 digital files you can convert into a lovely, finished multimedia presentation, but which are one lightning strike away from annihilation?

It becomes a question of how much you can carry. I raved about how many photos my computer stores, but I still have hundreds of pounds of pictures I haven’t digitized, and hundreds more I’ve already scanned but can’t throw away. Do you know what’s worse than losing a hard drive containing all of your family photos? Telling your wife you lost a hard drive containing all of your family photos. So I keep the originals. I wish I were a video game character or a superhero with unlimited inventory space. Here, Batman, put these bins of photo albums in your belt next to your grappling hook and 48 Batarangs.

If Batman’s utility belt were more realistic.

“Preserve your memories … they’re all that’s left you.”
Wait, did I already use that quote? I’m 40 and I’m getting forgetful. Actually, I’m repeating it on purpose because I realize now that there is even more to those words. Maybe my wife and I are both wrong. The best place to preserve your memories is inside your head, where they grow sweeter with age. But one day, when we’re in our twilight years – as opposed to the Twilight years – age may cause the memories in our heads to fade like a crumbling ticket stub or a hinky hard drive.

I’ll leave you with one more picture: me, after 40 more years, sitting on the front porch on a lazy afternoon, hopefully with my arm around the woman I teased in this article, thumbing our arthritic thumbs through a dilapidated scrapbook and coming across a withered copy of this newspaper article, getting ancient ink on our ancient fingers. And I’ll tell her she was right. There’s a reason it’s called a feeling. If you’re going to hold onto your memories, you should HOLD onto your memories. Nobody ever smeared the ink of an old love letter by weeping onto a laptop screen.

Psst…but just in case I’M right, can somebody please scan this?


[1] Conversely, every photo of my Jamaican wife and me together is black and white. You know you were thinking it. Racist.

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Tags: a picture is worth a thousand words, archive, Billy Joel, Def Leppard, digitize, erosion, external hard drive, hard drive, Hootie & The Blowfish, iPhoto, Nickelback, paper, photo album, photos, photoshop, preserve your memories, save photos, scan, scanner, shoebox, Simon & Garfunkel, technology, wife

A Picture is Worth 1,009 Words

by Bill Zam | Posted on: June 5, 2012 3:26 pm - in Zamblings

Photographic memory.

Last month I wrote about the Facebook Timeline, and I started thinking about how we preserve our own history. My wife and I come from two different schools of thought on this subject. My point of view is that technology is the best way to maximize the enjoyment and preservation of our cherished photographs, letters and other captured memories, whereas her point of view is stupid.

Oops! No! What I mean is, my wife believes that technological solutions are complicated, inaccessible and most of all, at risk for complete loss of the tangible, emotionally connected paper.

“Preserve your memories … they’re all that’s left you.”
That was my high school yearbook quote, so you can tell I’ve been pondering this subject for a long time. Well, not that long. It’s from a 1968 Simon & Garfunkel song, but I graduated in 1989.

"Redact your memories; your friends might sue you."

I’m not sure what Paul Simon’s intent was, but the lyrics had two meanings to me: your memories are everything in life that has left you; but they are also all you have left of the past. My wife and I both agree with Mr. Simon, but we disagree with each other on the preservation strategy.

Most Likely To Regret This Knit Tie

“Every year’s a souvenir that slowly fades away.”
We both have a smattering of childhood photos. They’re almost all in color, but even though they’re from the 1970s (like the Billy Joel quote above), some are so yellowed that you’d expect to see WANTED written below them. If these pictures can fade so much in a few decades, they might rot completely before we do. But my wife likes to flip through the old albums, hearing the crack of the binding, pulling open the clear, once-adhesive pages to adjust photos when necessary, and reading the hand-cut speech balloons her mother sometimes glued on. If you stare long enough, she says, you can almost hear the voices. I’ll admit the structure of a classic photograph is part of the experience. There’s a picture of me with Spider-Man that is just as memorable for the sturdy Polaroid border and autographed folio as much as me looking as lithe as Peter Parker.

But the Polaroid is pulling apart from the casing, and if I hadn’t scanned it, it would be lost forever. Plus, since every click of the shutter cost money in those days, the volume of pictures of us is a drop in the developing-chemical ocean compared to the digital digest we have collected on our own children.

“All I’ve got is a photograph … but it’s not enough.”
Yeah, I slipped Def Leppard into a sentimental article. What can I say? I’m an 80s child and I have a soft spot for Union Jack wifebeaters.

No, not Rick Allen! Sleeveless British flag t-shirts!

The photos themselves are nice, but I want more quantity, more flexibility and less storage space. I have more than 30,000 images added to iPhoto, and they all fit on this laptop. I haven’t thrown my back out carrying the laptop (yet).

I can organize the pictures a million different ways, manipulate them in Photoshop, and even use iPhoto’s facial recognition feature. The technology is mind-blowing, even if it does occasionally mistake me for President Obama or a birthday party balloon.

“Time … the past has come and gone … now only lasts for one second”
That’s true, Hootie & The Blowish – unless you pause the DVD. Ask my wife to name her favorite gifts of all time and she will list her mix CDs with the home-burned picture labels, the photo tower with the mile-long Photoshop collage, or the movies I’ve set to music through the wonder of digital video editing software. What more could she want?

 

OK, I’ll come clean. She could want me to delete the pictures I carelessly took of the sidewalk but still uploaded to the computer.

Nice work, Annie freaking Liebowitz.

She could want me to crop and edit our best pictures, print them out and put them on the refrigerator for her enjoyment.  She could want a volunteer staff of 50 to spend the next decade labeling, key-wording and grouping the electronic photos so that she could actually find what she wants on a particular day. She could want an infallible backup system, or at least an external hard drive that doesn’t fail every two years and cost us hundreds of dollars to replace, so we don’t have to say goodbye to every single photo forever.

“I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for … it’s hard to say it (time to say it) … goodbye … goodbye.”
So what’s better? Having 300 flammable pictures of your entire life, each with its own personal story, or 30,000 digital files you can convert into a lovely, finished multimedia presentation, but which are one lightning strike away from annihilation?

“Preserve your memories … they’re all that’s left you.”
Wait, did I already use that quote? I’m 40 and I’m getting forgetful. Actually, I’m repeating it on purpose because I realize now that there is even more to those words. Maybe my wife and I are both wrong. The best place to preserve your memories is inside your head, where they grow sweeter with age. But one day, when we’re in our twilight years – as opposed to the Twilight years – age may cause the memories in our heads to fade like a crumbling ticket stub or a hinky hard drive.

I’ll leave you with one more picture. It’s me, after 40 more years, sitting on the front porch on a lazy afternoon, hopefully with my arm around the woman I teased in this article, thumbing our arthritic thumbs through a dilapidated scrapbook and coming across a withered copy of this newspaper article, getting ancient ink on our ancient fingers. And I’ll tell her she was right. There’s a reason it’s called a feeling. If you’re going to hold onto your memories, you should HOLD onto your memories. Nobody ever smeared the ink of an old love letter by weeping onto a laptop screen.

Psst…but just in case I’M right, can somebody please scan this?

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Tags: a picture is worth a thousand words, archive, Billy Joel, Def Leppard, digitize, erosion, external hard drive, hard drive, Hootie & The Blowfish, iPhoto, Nickelback, paper, photo album, photos, photoshop, preserve your memories, save photos, scan, scanner, shoebox, Simon & Garfunkel, technology, wife

Memorex Memories (Uncut)

by Bill Zam | Posted on: April 1, 2011 10:21 am - in Zamblings Uncut

Mixed emotions.

I traveled a lot this year. My journey took me through America, from Boston to Chicago to Kansas to Houston. Occasionally you’d find me over the borderline as far away as Africa or Asia, or in a big country somewhere else, like down under. Once I even crossed the river Styx without paying the ferryman! All without leaving my library.

If you just had an a-ha moment, you know that I’m talk-talking about my iTunes library, which grew exponentially with 80s music as I digitized my old cassette collection. I didn’t move very far geographically – a tape ended every 30 or 45 minutes and I ran across the room to flip it – but I did go back in time.

I’m so excited to get all of this music on my computer and discard hundreds of obsolete cassette tapes. No more rewinding or using the eraser end of a pencil to spin a stubborn reel. I got my first CD player in 1988 and did a mandatory persuasive presentation in high school Speech class about it, smashing a record with a hammer and pulling the guts out of a cassette to demonstrate the comparative durability and capacity of the Compact Disc.

I mentioned my family’s earlier influence on my musical tastes in Side One of this article, but the 1980s were truly my formative years. They say that popular music is the soundtrack of our lives, but at that age – junior high especially – it seemed to be the focus of our lives, and we were loving every minute of it. Those were our glory days, when Gina worked the diner all day, a girl named Rio danced across the sand, and Nikki was everybody’s darling. There was no need to buy a copy of “Thriller” or “Every Breath You Take”; you simply needed to turn up the radio to hear those ubiquitous tunes. But if you wanted a one-hit wonder, you’d have to buy the cassette. The other option was to sit by the radio, hoping Rick Dees would give a Weekly Top 40 intro long enough for you to get to the record button of your cassette deck before “Our House”[1] or “New Girl Now” or “867-5309/Jenny” came on. If you happened to be listening to Casey Kasem, you might miss the button while reaching for the stars, or (during the Long Distance Dedication), the tissues.

A box of Kleenex was definitely in order when I got to my mix tapes. Up to this point in the digitizing, it was mostly laughter, like when I remembered that the Breakfast Club was a band as well as a movie, or when I would hear tongue-in-cheek shouts of this is my jam! from my wife in the other room for every fifth song.[2] For many, the 1980s meant MTV, new wave and rap, but to me the lasting invention of the decade was the Mix Tape.

The seriousness of a relationship in the 80s and early 90s could be judged not only by sexual consummation, but also by whether one had prepared 90 minutes of meaningful music on cassette, complete with liner notes that looked like somebody dropped an M-80 into a pack of Magic Markers. One of the romantics, I fancied myself the Jam-Master Jay of mix tapes, filling each side of the tape with carefully selected hits and serenades, interspersed with film and comedy clips. In retrospect, I would have gotten more action if I focused more on the girls and less on creating the perfect K-Tel collection, but I’m happy with how it worked out. I gave my wife a Digitally Remastered Box Set of her old mix tapes that she appreciated more than anything I could have downloaded from iTunes.

As I transferred the cassettes, many of them proved as flawed as my high school speech had demonstrated. No matter what I did with the Dolby Noise Reduction switch, Hall & Oates warbled even more than they did in the 80s, while Twisted Sister twisted to a painful death in the hungry cassette player. As these degraded physical symbols of my childhood slipped away, though, I realized that the tapes held more than analog music, and lasted a lot longer than expected, at least in my memory.

There was the road trip I took with my best friend’s family and the Eagles; the Bigger And Deffer hoops games on a youth center court in my ironically Richer and Whiter suburban town; and the mental photograph of my first slow dance, kindly engineered for us by a friend’s mother at a chaperoned co-ed house party. It was awkward, but it was heaven. And although it was 1984, it was not “Heaven,” by Bryan Adams. Inexplicably, it was Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” which is slow-dance bliss until Jimmy Page takes over and you find yourself looking at your dance partner in a wide-eyed “stare way” that says, “What the hell do we do now?”

Eventually we said goodbye to the 80s, Chris-Crossing from jumping with The Pointer Sisters and Van Halen to jump-jumping with Kris Kross in the 90s. I’m not one of these guys who insists that his generation was better than those that followed. I won’t presume to know what musical memories will one day move today’s teenagers – perhaps shared iPod buds or YouTube dedications – but I will share some advice. When I first heard it, this advice was nothing more to me than a random sentence between electronic hand claps. But as I listened to the noisy tape reels wind away into oblivion this year, the message suddenly came across with digital clarity: Hold on to 16 as long as you can, changes come around real soon, make us women and men.

Read Side One of this column.

I wove more than 40 intentional 80s music references into the text of the article and ran an iTunes gift card contest for the first person to correctly identify at least 25 songs and the associated artist. The winners found even more I didn’t realize I put in. See the answers.


[1] OK, if you want to argue that “One Step Beyond” or “House of Fun” were hits #2 and #3 for Madness, you are sick with 80s nostalgia. Go sit in a padded room with Kevin Dubrow.

[2] I’m white, she’s black. If I’m being honest, it was more like every 50th.

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Tags: 1980s, 80s, 80s music, 80s music trivia, 867-5309, a-ha, Africa, america, Asia, Boston, Bryan Adams, cassette, cassette collection, cassette tape, CD, CD player, Chicago, Christopher Cross, Darling Nikki, digitize, digitizing cassettes, Dolby, Duran Duran, eats tapes, Every Breath You Take, first dance, guilty pleasures, Hall & Oates, I Love the 80s, Jack and Diane, junior high school, Kansas, L.L. Cool J, Led Zeppelin, Love is a Mix Tape, Memorex, memories, memory, mix tape, MTV, Noise Reduction, one-hit wonder, Pointer Sisters, pop, pop culture, Prince, reminisce, romantic mix tape, slow dance, soundtrack of our lives, Styx, the police, Toto, transfer cassettes, transfer cassettes to CD, twisted sister, Van Halen, whitney houston, YouTube

Memorex Memories

by Bill Zam | Posted on: April 1, 2011 10:21 am - in Zamblings

Mixed emotions.

I traveled a lot this year. My journey took me through America, from Boston to Chicago to Kansas to Houston. Occasionally you’d find me over the borderline as far away as Africa or Asia, or in a big country somewhere else, like down under. Once I even crossed the river Styx without paying the ferryman! All without leaving my library.

If you just had an a-ha moment, you know that I’m talk-talking about my iTunes library, which grew exponentially with 80s music as I digitized my old cassette collection. I didn’t move very far geographically – a tape ended every 30 or 45 minutes and I ran across the room to flip it – but I did go back in time.

I’m so excited to get all of this music on my computer and discard hundreds of obsolete cassette tapes. No more rewinding or using the eraser end of a pencil to spin a stubborn reel. I got my first CD player in 1988 and did a mandatory persuasive presentation in high school Speech class about it, smashing a record with a hammer and pulling the guts out of a cassette to demonstrate the comparative durability and capacity of the Compact Disc.

I mentioned my family’s earlier influence on my musical tastes in Side One of this article, but the 1980s were truly my formative years. They say that popular music is the soundtrack of our lives, but at that age – junior high especially – it seemed to be the focus of our lives, and we were loving every minute of it. Those were our glory days, when Gina worked the diner all day, a girl named Rio danced across the sand, and Nikki was everybody’s darling. There was no need to buy a copy of “Thriller” or “Every Breath You Take”; you simply needed to turn up the radio to hear those ubiquitous tunes. But if you wanted a one-hit wonder, you’d have to buy the cassette. The other option was to sit by the radio, hoping Rick Dees would give a Weekly Top 40 intro long enough for you to get to the record button of your cassette deck before “Our House” or “New Girl Now” or “867-5309/Jenny” came on. If you happened to be listening to Casey Kasem, you might miss the button while reaching for the stars, or (during the Long Distance Dedication), the tissues.

A box of Kleenex was definitely in order when I got to my mix tapes. Up to this point in the digitizing, it was mostly laughter, like when I remembered that the Breakfast Club was a band as well as a movie, or when I would hear tongue-in-cheek shouts of this is my jam! from my wife in the other room for every fifth song. For many, the 1980s meant MTV, new wave and rap, but to me the lasting invention of the decade was the Mix Tape.

The seriousness of a relationship in the 80s and early 90s could be judged by whether one had prepared 90 minutes of meaningful music on cassette, complete with liner notes that looked like somebody dropped an M-80 into a pack of Magic Markers. One of the romantics, I fancied myself the Jam-Master Jay of mix tapes, filling each side of the tape with carefully selected hits and serenades, interspersed with film and comedy clips. In retrospect, I would have gotten more action if I focused more on the girls and less on creating the perfect K-Tel collection, but I’m happy with how it worked out. I gave my wife a Digitally Remastered Box Set of her old mix tapes that she appreciated more than anything I could have downloaded from iTunes.

As I transferred the cassettes, many of them proved as flawed as my high school speech had demonstrated. No matter what I did with the Dolby Noise Reduction switch, Hall & Oates warbled even more than they did in the 80s, while Twisted Sister twisted to a painful death in the hungry cassette player. As these degraded physical symbols of my childhood slipped away, though, I realized that the tapes held more than analog music, and lasted a lot longer than expected, at least in my memory.

There was the road trip I took with my best friend’s family and the Eagles; the Bigger And Deffer hoops games on a youth center court in my ironically Richer and Whiter suburban town; and the mental photograph of my first slow dance, kindly engineered for us by a friend’s mother at a chaperoned co-ed house party. It was awkward, but it was heaven. And although it was 1984, it was not “Heaven,” by Bryan Adams. Inexplicably, it was Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” which is slow-dance bliss until Jimmy Page takes over and you find yourself looking at your dance partner in a wide-eyed “stare way” that says, “What the hell do we do now?”

Eventually we said goodbye to the 80s, Chris-Crossing from jumping with The Pointer Sisters and Van Halen to jump-jumping with Kris Kross in the 90s. I’m not one of these guys who insists that his generation was better than those that followed. I won’t presume to know what musical memories will one day move today’s teenagers – perhaps shared iPod buds or YouTube dedications – but I will share some advice. When I first heard it, this advice was nothing more to me than a random sentence between electronic hand claps. But as I listened to the noisy tape reels wind away into oblivion this year, the message suddenly came across with digital clarity: Hold on to 16 as long as you can, changes come around real soon, make us women and men.

Read Side One of this column.

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Tags: 1980s, 80s, 80s music, 80s music trivia, 867-5309, a-ha, Africa, america, Asia, Boston, Bryan Adams, cassette, cassette collection, cassette tape, CD, CD player, Chicago, Christopher Cross, Darling Nikki, digitize, digitizing cassettes, Dolby, Duran Duran, eats tapes, Every Breath You Take, first dance, guilty pleasures, Hall & Oates, I Love the 80s, Jack and Diane, junior high school, Kansas, L.L. Cool J, Led Zeppelin, Love is a Mix Tape, Memorex, memories, memory, mix tape, MTV, Noise Reduction, one-hit wonder, Pointer Sisters, pop, pop culture, Prince, reminisce, romantic mix tape, slow dance, soundtrack of our lives, Styx, the police, Toto, transfer cassettes, transfer cassettes to CD, twisted sister, Van Halen, whitney houston, YouTube

Memorex Memories (Uncut) – with trivia answers

by Bill Zam | Posted on: April 1, 2011 10:21 am - in unpublished

Mixed emotions.

I traveled a lot this year. My journey[1] took me through America,[2] from Boston[3] to Chicago[4] to Kansas[5] to Houston.[6] Occasionally you’d find me over the borderline[7] as far away as Africa[8] or Asia,[9] or in a big country[10] somewhere else, like down under.[11] Once I even crossed the river Styx[12] without paying the ferryman![13] All without leaving my library.

If you just had an a-ha[14] moment, you know that I’m talk-talking[15] about my iTunes library, which grew exponentially with 80s music as I digitized my old cassette collection. I didn’t move very far geographically – a tape ended every 30 or 45 minutes and I ran[16] across the room to flip it[17] – but I did go back in time.[18]

I’m so excited[19] to get all of this music on my computer and discard hundreds of obsolete cassette tapes. No more rewinding or using the eraser end of a pencil to spin a stubborn reel. I got my first CD player in 1988 and did a mandatory persuasive presentation in high school Speech class about it, smashing a record with a hammer[20] and pulling the guts out of a cassette to demonstrate the comparative durability and capacity of the Compact Disc.

I mentioned my family’s earlier influence on my musical tastes in Side One of this article, but the 1980s were truly[21] my formative years. They say that popular music is the soundtrack of our lives, but at that age – junior high especially – it seemed to be the focus of our lives, and we were loving every minute of it.[22] Those were our glory days,[23] when Gina worked the diner all day[24], a girl named Rio[25] danced across the sand, and Nikki was everybody’s darling.[26] There was no need to buy a copy of “Thriller”[27] or “Every Breath You Take”[28]; you simply needed to turn up the radio[29] to hear those ubiquitous tunes. But if you wanted a one-hit wonder, you’d have to buy the cassette. The other option was to sit by the radio, hoping Rick Dees would give a Weekly Top 40 intro long enough for you to get to the record button of your cassette deck before “Our House”[30] or “New Girl Now”[31] or “867-5309/Jenny”[32] came on. If you happened to be listening to Casey Kasem, you might miss the button while reaching for the stars, or (during the Long Distance Dedication), the tissues.

A box of Kleenex was definitely in order[33] when I got to my mix tapes. Up to this point in the digitizing, it was mostly laughter, like when I remembered that the Breakfast Club[34] was a band as well as a movie, or when I would hear tongue-in-cheek shouts of this is my jam! from my wife in the other room for every fifth song.[35] For many, the 1980s meant MTV, new wave and rap, but to me the lasting invention of the decade was the Mix Tape.

The seriousness of a relationship in the 80s and early 90s could be judged not only by sexual consummation, but also by whether one had prepared 90 minutes of meaningful music on cassette, complete with liner notes that looked like somebody dropped an M-80 into a pack of Magic Markers. One of the romantics,[36] I fancied myself the Jam-Master Jay[37] of mix tapes, filling each side of the tape with carefully selected hits and serenades, interspersed with film and comedy clips. In retrospect, I would have gotten more action if I focused more on the girls and less on creating the perfect K-Tel collection, but I’m happy with how it worked out. I gave my wife a Digitally Remastered Box Set of her old mix tapes that she appreciated more than anything I could have downloaded from iTunes.

As I transferred the cassettes, many of them proved as flawed as my high school speech had demonstrated. No matter what I did with the Dolby Noise Reduction switch, Hall & Oates[38] warbled even more than they did in the 80s, while Twisted Sister twisted to a painful death in the hungry[39] cassette player. As these degraded physical[40] symbols of my childhood slipped away, though, I realized that the tapes held more than analog music, and lasted a lot longer than expected, at least in my memory.

There was the road trip I took with my best friend’s family and the Eagles[41]; the Bigger And Deffer[42] hoops games on a youth center court in my ironically Richer and Whiter suburban town; and the mental photograph[43] of my first slow dance, kindly engineered for us by a friend’s mother at a chaperoned co-ed house party. It was awkward, but it was heaven. And although it was 1984, it was not “Heaven,” by Bryan Adams. Inexplicably, it was Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven,” which is slow-dance bliss until Jimmy Page takes over and you find yourself looking at your dance partner in a wide-eyed “stare way” that says, “What the hell do we do now?”

Eventually we said goodbye to the 80s, Chris-Crossing[44] from jumping with The Pointer Sisters[45] and Van Halen[46] to jump-jumping with Kris Kross in the 90s. I’m not one of these guys who insists that his generation was better than those that followed. I won’t presume to know what musical memories will one day move today’s teenagers – perhaps shared iPod buds or YouTube dedications – but I will share some advice. When I first heard it, this advice was nothing more to me than a random sentence between electronic hand claps. But as I listened to the noisy tape reels wind away into oblivion this year, the message suddenly came across with digital clarity: Hold on to 16 as long as you can, changes come around real soon, make us women and men.[47]

 


[1] Journey, formed 1973

[2] America, formed 1970

[3] Boston, formed 1976

[4] Chicago, formed 1967

[5] Kansas, formed 1970

[6] Whitney Houston performed professionally as early as 1977 before “having it all” in the 80s.

[7] Madonna, 1984

[8] Toto, 1982, or the South Bronx if you spell it “Afrika”

[9] Asia, formed 1981

[10] Big Country, “In a Big Country,” 1983

[11] Men At Work, “Down Under,” 1981

[12] Styx, formed 1970

[13] Chris de Burgh, “Don’t Pay the Ferryman,” 1982

[14] a-ha, formed 1982

[15] Talk Talk, formed 1981

[16] A Flock of Seagulls, 1982

[17] While Bell Biv Devoe’s Poison wasn’t released until 1990 and this “Do Me” reference was accidental, I’ll give you credit since it was actually in the box of cassettes!

[18] Huey Lewis and the News, 1985

[19] Pointer Sisters, 1982

[20] Technically M.C. Hammer until 1991

[21] Lionel Richie, “Truly,” 1982

[22] Loverboy, 1985

[23] Bruce Springsteen, 1984

[24] “Living on a Prayer,” Bon Jovi, 1986

[25] Duran Duran, 1982

[26] “Darling Nikki,” Prince, 1984

[27] Michael Jackson, 1982

[28] The Police, 1983

[29] Autograph, 1984

[30] OK, if you want to argue that “One Step Beyond” or “House of Fun” were hits #2 and #3 for Madness, you are sick with 80s nostalgia. Go sit in a padded room with Kevin Dubrow.

[31] Honeymoon Suite, 1981

[32] Tommy Tutone, 1982

[33] Hair band Kleenex released their debut album, “Definitely in Order,” in 1987.

[34] New wave band Breakfast Club released “Right On Track” in 1987, and if you believe Wikipedia, they actually once counted Madonna as a member – on drums!

[35] I’m white, she’s black. If I’m being honest, it was more like every 50th.

[36] The Romantics, formed in 1977, are most famous for “What I Like About You.”

[37] Jason Mizell (1965-2002), was the DJ of Run-D.M.C.

[38] Daryl Hall and John Oates first paired up in 1969.

[39] Twister Sister formed in 1972 and released Stay Hungry in 1984.

[40] Olivia Newton-John, 1981

[41] Although it seemed like I was runnin’ down the road with Don Henley and company a lot in that decade, the Eagles actually didn’t release a studio album in the 1980s.

[42] L.L. Cool J, BAD, 1987

[43] Def Leppard, 1983

[44] Christopher Cross’ most famous 80s hits were “Sailing,” “Ride Like the Wind” and “Arthur’s Theme.”

[45] “Jump (For My Love),” 1983

[46] “Jump,” 1984

[47] “Jack and Diane,” John Cougar, 1982

Read Side One of this column.

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Tags: 1980s, 80s, 80s music, 80s music trivia, 867-5309, a-ha, Africa, america, Asia, Boston, Bryan Adams, cassette, cassette collection, cassette tape, CD, CD player, Chicago, Christopher Cross, Darling Nikki, digitize, digitizing cassettes, Dolby, Duran Duran, eats tapes, Every Breath You Take, first dance, guilty pleasures, Hall & Oates, I Love the 80s, Jack and Diane, junior high school, Kansas, L.L. Cool J, Led Zeppelin, Love is a Mix Tape, Memorex, memories, memory, mix tape, MTV, Noise Reduction, one-hit wonder, Pointer Sisters, pop, pop culture, Prince, reminisce, romantic mix tape, slow dance, soundtrack of our lives, Styx, the police, Toto, transfer cassettes, transfer cassettes to CD, twisted sister, Van Halen, whitney houston, YouTube

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